Flight Torture Baby

Gee, do you think maybe there is more to the story than this?

Paris Hilton: Poor Pitiful Petunia

You know, I'm going to be one in a billion saying I don't give a crap about Paris. But the truth is, it's not like I completely skip over it when I'm checking all my news sources. It's not what I want to blog about, though, so consider this an experiment in blog traffic.

Yet Another Sports Arrest

Here's a teeeeny little article in the Sports section of today's local paper:

"Jaguars waive Carroll after arrest
JACKSONVILLE, Fla.- The Jacksonville Jaguars waived cornerback Ahmad Carroll two days after he was arrested on weapon and drug charges."


That's it. That's the whole fargin' story. I didn't bother to go looking for the details. I am so damn tired of reading this same thing, day after day after day. We pretty much expect at least one athlete and one celebrity a day to do a career face plant. Who else was it today? Ty Pennington from Trading Spaces or whatever other show he is on now.

If we can't find a new schmuck, we hope one of the old losers hits bottom again. Seriously, people, why do we care? Why has the inside front page of our local paper turned into the Los Angeles DUI blotter? We have dozens, if not hundreds, getting blown to pieces in Iraq daily, but on page two, we read about Alec Baldwin.

I'm not fussing about our local paper, specifically. Looking back at the Sports page, you know what? I wouldn't really give a crap about Ahmad's drug charges, but the weapons concern me a bit.

Why is it that so many pro athletes feel the need to carry weapons? Because they surround themselves with people they can't trust, that's why. I couldn't care less if anyone famous or otherwise, felt like getting high in their homes. But because it's illegal, and thus becomes a business trying to fly under the radar of law enforcement, the stakes grow higher. Players carry guns as "protection" and end up getting arrested outside a club at 2:00AM. I'd love to know how the arrest rate of professional athletes compares to the general population.

I am a sports fan, but I'm about through. My boy hasn't yet picked a specific sports hero, but I'm scared for when he does. I can't defend the privileged athletes and celebrities who screw up in their private lives. They bring it on themselves. Each day, though, you never know who's going to face justice, be it justified or not.

Once Again, I'm In For It

Back in the February issue of the South Roanoke Circle, I have a column about how I fear my wife might wallop me over the back of the head with a frying pan.

Well, guess what? It's worse than that. A little background:

Nine times out of ten, she does the grocery shopping , usually on Saturday morning. This despite the fact that I very much enjoy grocery shopping, but her reasons for wanting to do it are valid. First, she takes G'diddy to the store and helps him out. Second, she doesn't like taking our child to the store. I don't mind it so much, but with him and G'diddy, it can be a lot to take. So TB and I usually spend Saturday morning on a bike ride, or something fun to get the day started. Third, she thinks I forget things, or just don't buy much in order to save money, so she ends up going two days later anyway. OK, granted.

I like to get cheapo frozen meals to take for lunch during the week. I'm talking 33 cent burritos, or Michelina's 10/$10. Not a whole lot to them, but they are cheap, quick, and easy, and they get me through the afternoon. Some days, I'll admit, the call of something from the Market Building entices me to leave Michelina in the freezer 'till the next day, but usually not.

LBB sometimes goes off course and buys me Stouffer's or Marie Calendar's, if they are on sale. That's fine. A little more to them, and generally a bit more tasty than the ones I pick out.

Well, four Saturdays ago, unfortunately, G'diddy passed out in Kroger. The rescue squad came, and to make a long story short, LBB called me, I took TB to a neighbor's and I rushed to Kroger. I found the situation under control, but he was going to the hospital. LBB went with him and I finished up the shopping.

[Aside: G'diddy did bust a few ribs and spent a few days in the hospital, but he is home and on the mend.]

I combined G'diddy's piddling few groceries with ours and headed to the checkout.

I was a bit shocked when I saw laid up on top of our cart, two of these:

Good God! Those of you who know me realize that I am no wisp of a man. I have a good appetite but this is just way, way too much! I put these back in the freezer, and replaced them with a few of those burritos I referred to earlier. I never mentioned this to my wife, though.

So, the next week comes around, and LBB again goes to the store. She picked out two more of these things and brought them home this time.

Just so there is no confusion, let me point out that LBB is a vegetarian. There is no way this mess is intended for her or the boy. So this morning, I grabbed one and took it on in for lunch. Usually, I know that looking at nutrition labels will be depressing, but this time I just had to look. You know why? This really caught my eye: there is 111% daily value of sodium in one of these! Have you ever seen a one serving meal have over 100% of anything?

Let's look further: total fat, 60%. Saturated fat, 50%. Cholesterol, 35%. Carbohydrate, 26%. Looking at the finished product, I'm a bit surprised the last two were so low.

So, I submit once again that my wife is trying to do me in. But now I think she truly wants me to suffer awhile first!

Girls' Night

Hilarious post today from Dad Gone Mad.

Keep this in mind, as you gather to cackle and drink wine in the guise of bunco, or Pampered Chef, or whatever it may be: while you are out clucking with the hens, we are putting your children in peril, and they love it!

I'm On To You

I work typical office hours, usually about 8:00 to 5:00. Sometimes I go in early, say 6:30 or 7:00. But regardless of the hour, it seems there are an unusual number of other drivers on the road in the morning who are on their cell phones.

Now I'm not going to fuss about talking and driving. I've had that conversation with LBB time and time again, and I lose. I don't use the cell phone much, but I can't say I pull over to the side of the road when I do, so I'd be a hypocrite to push that agenda.

What puzzles me is, who are all these people talking to at the crack of dawn? I don't like a lot of chit-chat in the morning, so perhaps it's just against my nature, but the practical me wonders just who do you need to talk to on the drive IN to work? You just left your house, so it's not your family. You are on the way to work, so it's not your boss or your co-workers. It may be your clients, if you are a high-powered business type. But that's not who I'm really seeing out there.

And then I figured it out: if you are on the cell phone, in the car, at 7AM, you are talking to the person you are having an affair with, who is in their own car, on the way to work, on their cell phone. Gotta make lunch hour plans, right?

Yes, I know what you're up to you early morning talkers. And to think that I saw it on Jefferson Street . . .