Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Absence

Hey, it's been awhile. I'm still here, just lacking time and energy to spend on blogging lately. I'm still reading everyone on the blogroll, but I've been too lame to issue many comments.

The short of the long is that I had to go to NY for awhile to help my mother. Dad has gone into a nursing home and is not likely to come home. He's had Alzheimer's for years and years and years. Forever it seems like. I remember he wasn't quite right at our wedding, and that was 12 years ago.

His memory is gone. I think he realizes I'm a good guy and I'm on his team, but he has no idea who I am. He brightens up when Mom is around, but couldn't say who she is either. He's fallen a number of times, and now, he really can't walk or eat without help. He talks very little, and when he does it makes little sense. Still, you know he's having a good day when he tries to talk.

One day, I'll have a lot to say about all this. About Dad, about Mom, about my hometown, about the pitfalls of the healthcare system, and also about some of the bright moments that come through the darkness and make you laugh, even in a dark time.

Lately, though, I've just been out of it. Too busy or tired to think much. Work has been a whirlwind, and then the boy and I had to finish up the Pinewood Derby car. It was ugly, but performed well for a first timer: won three heats, lost two. Pretty deep into the bracket for a Tiger Cub. The best part was that on the way home, after seeing all those well crafted cars, the perfect paint jobs, and the more creative designs, TB said to me, "Daddy, I love my car."

My Dad wasn't the most involved with my activities growing up, but he was always there. We built a couple Pinewood Derby cars. Never won much, but it was fun. I remember carving it and sanding it in my Dad's workshop, and his insisting that I do the paint job myself. I miss my father, and I know, that at one time he probably missed me too. Wondering what he's thinking about, and knowing that my Mom has wondered the same thing, day after day for years, is the most helpless feeling I've ever had.

So I've been distracted, but I'll be back. Dang, even Blogger is getting in my way. I just noticed a scheduled outage a'coming in a few minutes. I better wrap this up.

1 comment:

CountryDew said...

I am so sorry. That must have been excruiatingly hard. Best wishes and good thoughts for peace of mind for you and yours.